My Heart Is A Mess Today! 

3 min 13 sec: app reading time

Sabbath, May 3, 2025

Dear Friend:

I pray to God first thing every morning when I wake up. I talk to God about the people I love, my concerns, and my thoughts.

This morning, I woke up with a heavy heart. So much is going on in the world today, good news and bad news. Yet, the tune of the culture is off-pitch. It feels like we are shifting into the unknown at a speed we are not wired to manage. Philosophically, we know every hour, every "next moment," is unpredictable. Yet, this moment feels like we are on a sliding path at a disorienting speed.

"Dear God,

My heart is a mess this morning!

The culture has just more despair, angst, uncertainty, suffering, loss, and fear than it can hold right now.

Help me not to let in so much news that I have to put the “closed” sign up on the door of my heart, consciousness, and emotions because my family, friends, and the people I serve need it to stay open.

This morning, I am not sure I can trust I'm love and I'm loved.

When my heart is overwhelmed with concerns, my anxious thoughts and feelings, which poke a hole and empty my heart of love, come close to me and remind me you are journeying in the darkness with me, even if I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel. You are the God of darkness, and I know you light my path from within.

This morning, I feel like the strong man I am is overwhelmed, and I want to protect myself.

When my heart is broken, help it to not create an emotional auto-immune disorder—attacking as a pathogen what's actually harmless because you have promised to walk with me through the valleys of life's uncertainties.

You’ve done it so many times in the past when I was up against a dead-end street or when I thought my dreams had been shattered forever. The memories of my past help me stay rooted in you this morning. Thank you for walking with me, God.

Yeah, this morning, I'm surprised at the state of my heart.

It can be more deeply in love than I ever knew possible.

It can increasingly be gladdened by simple things I used to ignore.

It can hurt for people I don’t even like very much.

It can heal from things I used to think would destroy it.

It can long for you, God, in profound ways I thought were impossible.

Yet, in ways that look less like piety, mysticism, sentimentalism and more like a deep, intimate love affair with you and life. Thank you, God!

It’s confusing having a human heart. I get it!

I talk to people about remaining human always.

Yet, this morning, I admit to the confusion of my human heart.

Help me remember, God, that while my heart may break, expand, hurt, heal, close, open, and overflow - none of that affects the authentic constant presence in my consciousness. I treasure it, God!

None of the confusion, aloneness, concerns, or uncertainty can even dent the part of me that bears your amazing image embedded in my DNA and consciousness—the part that contains the divine, inextinguishable spark of your love and presence. 

Knowing that perhaps human brokenness still reflects your face to me and others, energizes me. After all, you are the God who suffers innocently with every suffering human being on this planet.

And for your love and presence in the midst of it all, I am thankful, God, because, as you know, I realized this morning when I woke up that my heart was a mess."

In mindfulness reading Psalm 34 (The Message) this morning, my heart slowly found rest!

"I live and breathe God;

if things aren’t going well, hear this and be happy:

Join me in spreading the news;

together, let’s get the word out.

God met me more than halfway,

he freed me from my anxious fears.

Look at God; give God your warmest smile.

Never hide your feelings from God.

When I was desperate, I called out,

and God got me out of a tight spot.

God’s angel sets up a circle

of protection around me while we pray.

Open your mouth and taste; open your eyes and see—

How good God is.

If your heart is broken, you’ll find God right there;

If you’re kicked in the gut, he’ll help you catch your breath.

Disciples so often get into trouble;

Still, God is there every time.

God's your bodyguard, shielding every bone;

Not even a finger gets broken.

The wicked commit slow suicide;

They waste their lives hating the good.

God pays for each slave’s freedom;

No one who runs to God loses out."

Thank you, God! 

With you on your journey,

Pastor Harold